That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.
As we reflect on the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of shows stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.